It's been five months since my mom passed away. Part of me feels like it was just yesterday. Part of me feels like it's been an eternity.
While cleaning out her garage the other day, I ran across a folder in which she kept several hard-printed copies of the True Appreciation blog post I wrote about her back in 2005. I'm so glad I got a chance to make sure she knew exactly how much I appreciated her. I hope I live my life in a way that everyone I appreciate knows how much, but I doubt that's true. I get frustrated. I get distracted. I get lost in my own chaos sometimes. But when I think of my mom, I am inspired to make sure the people I love know how much better my life if because of them.
She was a giver. Everything she had (and everything she was) she gave to her children, her grandchildren, her husband, her friends and her community. She would get frustrated, angry, or hurt sometimes too. But she was always forgiving and loving above all else. People meant the world to her.
Thanks to FaceTime, she did get to see Tesla once. But she never got to meet her, never got to kiss and hug her like she was so looking forward to. And she never got to meet my brother's son Logan, or whatever little ones he and I have in our futures. She would be so happy about both of them. (Although probably a bit disappointed that Tesla still hasn't developed her mother's mono-dimple. Sorry, mom.)
I don't really know what I'm trying to say here. I guess just that I miss her. And that my world will never be the same without her in it. And, really, that my world will never BE without her in it. She is a part of me, in everything I am and everything I do.
I love you, Mom. I miss you.